It’s been said that toilet paper will be worth its weight in gold after the shit hits the fan. I don’t think this is far from the truth. Toilet paper is a modern luxury that people tend to take for granted until the moment they reach for it and find nothing but a cardboard roll. When that happens, they would gladly pay top dollar for a few squares.
You know you’ve been there. Of course, all you have to do is waddle around the house until you find some more toilet paper or at least some paper towels. But what if you don’t have anymore? What would you do then?
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This is why it’s important to store plenty of toilet paper. But that’s not enough. What if the crisis lasts a long time and you run out? What if you have to abandon your home? What if your toilet paper is destroyed by flood or fire? In case that happens, you’ll need to consider some substitutes for toilet paper.
Obvious Alternatives
1. Paper
We’ll get the most obvious one out of the way first. If you don’t have any toilet paper, just use another kind of paper. Paper towels, newspapers, phone books, notebook paper, printer paper, envelopes, etc. Look around the house and see what you can find.
Some people have suggested using books, but I have too much respect for books to recommend that. Maybe as a last resort, but first look for other options. This article contains instructions on how to make toilet paper out of paper you find around the house.
2. Wipes
Before you start yanking paper out of your printer, wrack your brain and make sure you don’t have any wet wipes or baby wipes in the house. If you do, they make great toilet paper.
3. Kleenex
Again, this is just a reminder. I’d hate for you to be tearing up newspapers only to later realize there’s a perfectly good box of Kleenex on the bathroom counter. However, you might have to use several of them since they’re so thin.
Less Common Alternatives
4. Sponge
These were used in Roman times. When the people finished, they would wash the sponge with water and vinegar so they could reuse it later. But even if you do this, damp sponges are still breeding grounds for bacteria. If you go this route, you’ll need to either boil the sponge or soak it in bleach water before rinsing it out and using it again.
5. Rock
But not just any rock. You’ll have to find a smooth, flat (but not sharp) rock like the one in the picture (it’s not as big as it looks). With it you can do what’s known as the “scrape method,” which was very popular in ancient societies. Stir the rock in water to remove excess debris before scraping again.
6. Water
In many countries, toilet paper is unheard of, and instead, people wash with water. To do this, use a plastic cup or another pouring device. Fill it with warm water, pour it into your cupped left hand, and do the necessary cleaning.
Obviously, you’ll want to wash your hands thoroughly when you’re done. You could also use an irrigation bottle so you can spray the area clean without having to touch it as much.
7. Cloth
This method is more accurately referred to as “family cloth” and is used by people who are trying to be as frugal and/or eco-friendly as possible. The idea is to use cloth rags to wipe yourself, then wash them afterward so you can continually reuse the fabric.
Soft fabric sourced from old flannel diapers or nightgowns works best for this, but you can also use towels, washcloths, or even old T-shirts. Whatever you chose, simply rip the fabric into suitable sizes and trim them with pinking shears to prevent fraying.
Used in connection with the water method mentioned above, this could be an effective way to get by without toilet paper indefinitely. Just make sure the fabric doesn’t accidentally get flushed down the toilet.
Instead, put it in a sealed container next to the toilet and once you have enough for a load of laundry, wash them. But don’t mix them with your regular laundry. (Here’s how to do laundry without power.)
Plant Leaves
If none of the above options are available, or if you have to bug out to the wilderness and use up all the toilet paper in your bag, you may have to turn to nature’s toilet paper: leaves.
8. Corn Husks
Because the pioneers grew and harvested so much corn, corn husks were one of their most popular toilet paper options. The leaves, when green, are relatively soft and a good size for bathroom or outhouse use. They can be dried for using during the winter months, and if that’s too rough you can always soak them in water to soften them again before use.
9. Maple Leaves
Specifically from the broadleaf maple. The leaves are large, don’t have irritable hairs, and are easily identifiable in the woods. Maples also produce an abundance of leaves, as anyone who has had to rake up after a maple tree can testify. Broadleaf and Sugar maples have the largest leaves, but in a pinch a mountain or vine maple could also be used, though the small leaves of these varieties would be awkward for an adult to use.
10. Mullein Leaves
This low growing, biennial plant flourishes in dry and sandy soils. Its leaves are a fair size and coated with a soft fuzz. The fuzz can be an irritant or a benefit, so use caution when using this plant and wash with water if irritation develops.
11. Large Leaved Aster
Also known as “lumberjack toilet paper,” and for good reason. The large, smooth, heart-shaped leaves are perfect for wiping, and the plant can be found in abundance across the eastern United States and Canada.
12. Cottonwood Leaves
Specifically, the larger leaved variety. It has smooth leaves that would make the perfect emergency toilet paper. The leaves are a little on the tough side, so they won’t tear during wiping. Cottonwood also has a bit of an anti-pain effect, and the leaves can be used for things like emergency bandages as well.
13. Bolted Lettuce
Finally, any garden plants with large smooth leaves can also work as emergency toilet paper. Bolted lettuce is a prime example. Once lettuce bolts it becomes too bitter to eat, but the leaves are large enough for most wiping purposes. But be careful which leaves you take from your garden. For example, squash plant leaves would be too irritating due to the hairs on them.
14. Hazelnut Leaves
Hazelnut also makes good emergency toilet paper, though they’re slightly on the small side. Also, they have a bit of fuzz on them which could potentially be irritating for people with sensitive skin. They’re very soft and completely non-toxic.
15. Thimbleberry Leaves
These beautiful plants grow and flourish in damp areas, near streams, and next to drainage on mountainsides. Their exceptionally large and soft leaves make them the ideal for emergency toilet paper. They’re also easy to identify from the large toothed leaves, thimble-like fruit, and fair-sized white flowers.
Thimbleberry can be found in nearly any mountain region in North America. They die back in the winter but regrow from the root in the spring and summer.
Warning – If you decide to use Thimbleberry leaves, make sure you’d able to identify its nasty look-alike, the dreaded Devil’s Club (seen below). This nasty plant flourishes in many of the same areas as the Thimbleberry and would be a nightmare to wipe with because it has thorns and is a severe irritant.
While the leaves of the two plants are very similar, Devil’s Club has thicker stems that are covered in sharp thorns, and the veins on its leaves are also lined with thorns.
There are several other types of leaves that could be used for toilet paper such as dandelion and hazelnut, but before you use them or any of the leaves mentioned above, make sure you have real-world experience identifying them in the wild.
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Use the bidet for God’s sake. America is so behind in tech.
Back in the ’60’s when I lived Down Under, I heard there were two Mormon missionaries in the outback and they used an Aussie catalog similar to a Sears catalog to wipe with. Well, they both got ink poisoning of the rectum! No joking 🙂 :/
Just to add to the conversation, squatting is most efficient for spreading your cheeks and minimizing the “mark off” . Every outdoorsman is familiar of how squatting in the woods can result in an almost paperless wipe.
To do this in you bathroom, you will need to make elevated footrests, so when you squat your knees press into your lower abdomen. Thanks for all the tips dealing with no TP.
Leaves and a little bit of water will work for me.
I have lived in the South and Southwest. Two things are abundant, tree moss and corn cobs.
Know as souhern toilet paper.
All these ideas will work as long as they are not flushed. The sewer line and sewage treatment plants cannot handle any paper but TP let alone the suggested leaves. Place these TP alternates in a lined trash can and dump it daily at least. In some places in the world this is standard procedure.
Military TP is like wax paper
If money isn’t important but toilet paper is, go to the nearest bank and get 40- $1 dollar bills for 2- $20’s. I mean it’s only money, right?
use hot water bottle with the hose enema attachment fill with warm water and little liquid soap hang on nail over tolet and like a bidet water pressure will do the job
the hose usually has a clip so you can shut off and turn on stream of water so you don’t make a mess
I’d like to see you shake a 5 gallon bucket filled with water and clothes. Water weighs 8 lbs a gallon. So figuring 40 lbs of water, plus the dry weight of the clothes and the bucket, we’re talking about 45-50 lbs. No way you are gonna shake that thang, mama.
Could you put an adapter on a cordless drill and use it like a mixer to agitate the contents of the bucket?
Put laundry, soap and hot water in a 5 gallon bucket, cut a hole in the bucket lid about 3″ in diameter, buy a clean toilet plunger, put it in the bucket, handle through the hole and plunge away. It is an excellent washing machine.
Use a clean condom plunger up and down motion
We could use our feet like they used to do crushing berries stomping them in a tub ,wash and rince in the same way then hang up to drip dry .
Sitting on the bowl
And u ain’t got a roll
U must prove ur a man
By using your hand
I thought that all this bathroom hysteria was fake news until I walked tonight into a ravaged Safeway, and then a depleted Trader Joe’s.
The explanation, I lays in the juxtaposition of symbols and archetypes, that is the object of semiotics.
Hysteria is the expression of some unspoken fear, and the menu of our ancestral fears isn’t all that long, but paper rolls didn’t exist when our collective psyche took shape. so, which fear is it?
Toilet paper doesn’t so much clean the body than it prevent the body from smelling; it is likely a metaphorical shroud, a shroud wrapped around the fear of stigma from sickness.
Crazy? Maybe, but keep that image in mind the next time that you see a pair fighting over poopsy rolls at the store; I promise that it will change your experience.
Source: “If people are fighting over bathroom paper rolls, why is the yogurt aisle full?” posted by me at Alfred Tarski Café.
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If you consume a couple of glasses of POWDERED psyllium per day you almost don’t even need to wipe your butt. Seriously. Try it if you don’t believe me. A single square of TP will do the job for you.
The old farmer’s almanac still has a hole drilled in it’s upper left corner. It’s there so you could hang it on an outhouse door.It has been published for 228 years. So it has probably been hung in many a farm’s outhouse.
as long as you aren’t flushing any of these down your toilet they might be ok, the whole reason toilet paper was invented was to help prevent all the clogging of toilets and septic systems that happened when people would use anything from newspaper to corn leaves, cloth and even straw to wipe themselves.
I have used a handful of snow too many times to count. Even sub zero snow can be packed a little and hold up enough to clean a butt but nice warmer snow can be packed into a more solid turd wiper. I live in Alaska and its free! There is also the added benefit of not polluting the ground with paper that seems to linger for years afterwards. Seen it, lived it, done that. So there, don’t be afraid of a little cold. The nether regions regain feeling shortly after you pull your pants back up.
I like that. Use what you have locally. Here in the pacific nw, we have an abundance of tree moss. It’s moist, soft, antibacterial, biodegradable and absorbent.
A long necked plant watering can works quite well (Dollar store variety.
Quite portable for camping.
Just need a little something to dry off after, and not much, once one has their technique down.
Discovered when I had an attack of ‘roids, when everything felt like #40 sandpaper.
To be more considerate of our natural resources (ie trees to make paper) I have been using “toilet paper” made from strips of light weight white cotton fabric. White because it can be bleached and there are no dyes in the fabric which could irritate especially sensitive persons. I use a diaper pail to put my used wipes in until they’re washed. Of course if they have fecal matter on them I rinse them off before putting them in the pail. Does anyone else remember way back to before disposable diapers? When they were soiled with fecal matter, we’d rinse them off in the toilet water. Speaking of cloth diapers, I’ve used them to make both reusable sanitary napkins and incontinence pads. On the side which goes against the panties I sew a thin but durable plastic. Hold them in place using safety pins.
Yeah, I raised my kids that way when I couldn’t afford disposable diapers. I would also tear up an old sheet into long squares to fit the diaper and fold them. When my boys pooped I would just take it and throw it away in the trash. Later they came out with diaper liners. Boy I coulda made a fortune if I would got them patented. lol!
They used 3 clam shells in the futuristic movie “Demolition Man”
A lot of comments saying to wash your butt.
With water literally being the most important and maybe one of the most difficult items to get after an EMP, I guess you will at least die with a clean butt.
I have 4 things to say
1. If your a girl and have to use paper, wet the paper first then wring out the paper.
2. If and after you do step one then go through with a few dry papers.
3. I got a paper cut on my buttocks.
4. I clogged my toilet and don’t know what to do because my brothers friends are over and there is no plunger in this bathroom so I would have to go to the other upstairs bathroom and all of my brothers cute friends would know I clogged the toilet….. what should I do???
use your hand to get the big stuff up and mixing so it will go down then wash your hands real good
Easiest way to get rid of a ‘shit’clog……..I’ve done this before AND IT WORKS….
GEt your regular dishwashing liquid…..and give the bottle a really hefty squirt into the toilet….wait about 10 to 20 minutes, then flush……it’ll all go down!!!!
the detergent breaks down the surface tension of the water. whatever that is!!, and thus breaks everything else up with it.
TRY IT AND SEE I PROMISE ITLL WORK….if you dont have dishwashing liquid, I’m thinking maybe just maybe shampoo would work?
so try the detergent next time……YOU WILL BE AMAZED AT THE RESULTS!!!!!
OH Yeah! I have been using that technique for years! I buy the cheapest dishwasher just for that purpose! I have a stock in my toilet cabinet for emergency clogging!
Flush the toilet before it gets full. Then if a lot of paper is used flush it a few times in between. Use some paper flush. Use some more paper flush again. (2). Buy a plunger.
Your socks!
If you still have a toilet and running water, consider installing a Bidet. They sell them on line now for as little as $30, and anyone can install one on an existing toilet in about 30 minutes. No need for toilet paper with one of these. All you need is a wash cloth to pat yourself dry afterward.
The KORAN?
Yes, perfect.
I have 5 perfectly good Holy Bibles I purchased at the Goodwill, one Mormon book, and 2 Holy Qur’ans.
I’d take them back to the Goodwill….I’m sure someone could put them to better use than what you’re suggesting.
I’d take them back to the Goodwill….I’m sure someone could put them to better use than what you’re suggesting.
You guys are really bad…P.U.!!! you sick-o’s! lol
The Army and Marines use sandpaper.
Yee Haa
Poison Ivy, etc. all have three leaves, hence the old woodsman’s saying of, “Leaves of three, leave them be”.That is easy to remember.
I was gonna say…remembering in Cambria CA 45 y ago, using a nearby three-leaved plant. Haven’t done it since. It’s the hard way to learn botany.
In an emergency more than 40+ years ago and miles away from public restrooms, I waded out in Galveston Bay did my number 2 and washed my hands when done. No one was the wiser and my number 2 had an unceremonious burial at sea.
Bury it on dry land at least 5 m from any water source.
1. You will fertilise the land
2. You won’t pollute the the water and put marine life at risk nor contaminate the water for anyone using it for drinking water.
Learn to wash with water. Easier and cleaner than any other method.
I read all the comments and dont think anyone mentioned COIN TISSUES. They are compacted wipes that are not wet and they are the size of a nickel. When you pour a drop or two of water on it, the coin unfolds and makes a big wipe. You can get 500 for $31.00 on Walmart.com or Amazon.com. The bag they come in is about the size of a cantaloupe. They are boxed so you can stack them into tote boxes. That is what our family is going to use. I just buy several hundred dollars’ worth every so often. I carry them in my Get Home Bag now.
Wisiwipes on eBay
I’ve had to use socks and dollar bills…emergency situations require emergency actions! Interesting read!
COFFEE FILTERS!!!!
Great idea! Going to add all my to short filters to my go bag!
But your coffee will taste like sh*t!
Duh! you are supposed to wash the coffee filter before you make your coffee…
Obama used the US Constitution to wipe his ass.
Liar liar pants on fire
yet trump has shut down the goverment lol
It’s not within the presidents power to shut down the Government. Congress makes the budget…and they haven’t submitted one.
And then there are asses like you that wiping won’t clean
I have read most of the article and most of the replies so I realize this article is for dramatic measures when toilet paper is completely unavailability. But aside from that, for those of us that get caught in the local store bathrooms, and most probably have done this, and after we waited for someone to sander in so we could ask for their assistance, and they don’t, use the toilet seat covers. Drastic measures after that.
Washing with water is fine but don’t wash in it as you will pollute it and it may have to be used for drinking. Do Not make a latrine within 100 feet of a creek river or lake for this reason.
Exactly. People in rural Indonesia are being educated to wash their clothes well away from the river so as not to pollute the river.
DO NOT use poison ivy, poison oak, or poison sumac. Learn these plants.
DO NOT use Spanish moss. It has chiggers/redbugs.
Be careful of polluted water or wet leaves near waterways. Amebiasis and giardiasis are extremely painful intestinal infections.
DO NOT store toilet paper in damp locations. Mildew/fungal infections in the lady parts are no fun at all.
I vote for the spray bottle and family rags used carefully.
my son used poison something
when he was around 9 or 10 he was in a lot of pain for weeks
SHTF Toilets: waterless composting units of cheap recycled plastic save about 1/3rd household water use. Chemical toilet using Elsen – as I recall – was very effective, though urinating around our fruit tree drip-lines was very beneficial. Likewise our simple hole or trench in the ground never failed us for 33 years; plant a food tree when full, & dig another hole, like Aztecs, Mayans & Incas who often used old remains as crops fertilizer. We had a veranda emergency bucket rather than go out at night.
The 1 to 2 meter-deep hole dug manually or by a powered borer – was topped by a cylinder upon which was mounted half of a tyre that had been cut in two around its tread circumference. This acted as a comfortable toilet seat, the cover of which was a bit of fibreboard. Or use a commercial folding toilet from Camping stores safely over the hole. Now such simple convenience was open to the elements but surrounded with sugar cane privacy; & dug in a few minutes, could last a couple for about 2 to 4 years, didn’t smell, no bugs or snakes normally found in sheds, sterilised by sun & rain, safe & hygienic with the best view in the house. Emergency toilet = trash bag taped inside home bowl. In case TSHTF, two 6-packs weekly we stock up massively on toilet roles (acquired about 100 so far), that are also cheaper than tissues.
What is with you westerners. Its YOUR scat which comes out of your precious innards, so whats this hangup of not wanting to use your hands-weird!. Despite the fact that we have muslim showers in our toilets, I always use my hands for a thorough cleanout. It’s a different matter when water is not available, one could then revert to toilet paper as an interim measure. Imagine wearing wooly pants over a still sticky paper wiped stinky arse! Hmmm..
What is it with people that can’t put their opinion without being rude about others? People do things differently. Different isn’t wrong. It’s nothing to be scared of. It’s just different.
This isn’t the 8th century, although I know it is hard to break old habits. Plenty of other wiping solutions before resorting to digits.
Using water and the washable left hand is far superior to the current crop of cheap toilet paper that falls apart during use and sticks to your parts. It isn’t the 8th Century; even with toilet paper most folks wash their hands after wiping anyway. If you have hemmorroids, water would be better than most substitutes for TP.
What do you do with it (newspaper, ect ) when your done?
You can get individually wrapped bamboo wash cloths, softer than velvet in beautiful colors wet them with warm water (before the deed is done) in the winter and wash them as you wash your hands, right away. In the summer rinse them with cool water and always wash them right away. Hang to dry like any towel and they’re always there, clean smelling, soft, and ready to use. Does a much better job cleaning us up and feels better than any kind of toilet paper or paper product. Take them camping, always wash them right away and store in a little plastic bag. Too many people actually grab poison ivy to wipe by accident. Better for the environment, saves a ton of money, better for the septic system or any sewer system. Kimberly Clark doubled their profits in 2004. About the same time a roll started to last a week instead of a month.
in this case u could also use a dedicated spray bottle for just water and this use.
Dried coconut husk works really good.
If the sewer still work, never flush baby wipes- or any other wipes. They will clog your pipes like no one’s business.
This is true! My husband works for a local municipality in water and sewer and asked me to stop putting them in the toilet or he would make me look at pictures of what happens and what they have to do to clean them out of the system. (With a Rake)
A detachable shower head in water jet mode. That does the job.
Yes, but make sure to clean the hose well with bleach water after every use.
You don’t stick the shower head in your a$$, you put it in spraying range.
haha LMAO!
DO NOT use Thimbleberry leaves near lady parts EVER. it will crate the worst irritation from the hairs on the leaves and the sugary leaves cause yeast infections.
A much better solution is to get a Hand Bidet Sprayer and wash with water. Cleaner, greener, healthier, saves money and you never run out!
Two items that were depended upon back during the depression are no longer available…The Sears Roebuck catalog and tissue paper used to wrap peaches for shipping.
I guess that will work if you have leaves growing in your bathroom.
You forgot the old mountain man method of drying out corn cobs for later use. After dry, you can soften the surface simply by rubbing them with your hands. The texture of the cob gives you lots of “traction” for removing the materal you want gone.
WHAT??? the point is that there WILL NOT be bathrooms available….toilets will not flush without backing up if your in an urban area. if in a rural area best case is an outhouse.
LOL,LMAO,That’s well spoken or should say well written.
That was so funny!!!!
As a Child, I have memories of being in need of TP while on fishing or camping trips, and have even used Pine Needles and, or the Bark off of Trees. Keep in mind, Drastic Measures call for Drastic Action. And in SHTF Scenarios, Anything that wont infect or irritate The Most Dangerous Canal on your Body, is Better than Nothing. (In my case, I was able to clean the Majority, and then go to the River to finish things up.)
On a related note: It may be Convenient to relieve yourself Near or literally, In a Lake, Stream, or River; but if at all possible, Do NOT Do it. As it is really, THE LAST Place you want to do so!
The Two most Obvious or sensible reasons would be:
A. Everyone -even the Bad Guys- Treks the Water Ways… So minimalize your exposure.
B. Feces and Urine are Repugnant to Animals. Which makes this fact of life a Double Edged Sword: On One side, you can attract them To you -which could also be a Trained dog on a Leash, that is leading the Bad Guys Right to you; or it could be a Wild animal that you could do Without in the middle of the night. Then there’s the Other side: You can drive Food AWAY.
Some things to consider…
Nice job Alan, tackling a stinky subject!
Best solution, now and then, = wash with water from a Hand Bidet Sprayer. Not only is it 10X cleaner, it’s also healthier(helps with constipation and hemorrhoids) and saves money.
Yes, but the real subject of the post is when modern convinces like pressurized water are not available.
Is it now? Pretty sure it was talking about the product Toilet Paper not being available not water. And water is easy to pressurize = put it in a barrel on the roof and voila; water under pressure and able to use a Bidet Sprayer.
Ha Cleaver! Or a bug sprayer..
No disrespect Stan. but in SHTF scenario, one of the Last things a person would want to do is Alert Others to your Resources and Functionability, by placing a Water barrel on your roof, as it would inevitably bring less desirables to your door. You are right though, Pressurized Water would be the Best thing to use.
If you talking about the SHTF scenario where you have to shoot people who approach your home you are absolutely right, but there are many more possibilities of supply interruptions that are not that drastic.
Why not just use a water bottle with a hole in the cap and squeeze the pressurized stream into the “area”?
Simple excellent idea, Luv it.
You can reuse a clean dish soap bottle for this. There is also a similar bottle available through medical supply called a peri-bottle; women may have been given one after having a baby – similar to the soap bottle except it has 3-4 smaller holes instead of one, like a mini shower. Depending on the emergency, you may want to save this for #2 if your water supply is limited. Baby wipes can be washed and reused a few times before tossing as well since they are thicker than TP, tissues, and paper towels. Try getting by with less now so that it is less irritating in an emergency 😉
Yeah, I raised my kids that way when I couldn’t afford disposable diapers. I would also tear up an old sheet into long squares to fit the diaper and fold them. When my boys pooped I would just take it and throw it away in the trash. Later they came out with diaper liners. Boy I coulda made a fortune if I would got them patented. lol!