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It’s been said that toilet paper will be worth its weight in gold after the shit hits the fan. I don’t think this is far from the truth. Toilet paper is a modern luxury that people tend to take for granted until the moment they reach for it and find nothing but a cardboard roll. When that happens, they would gladly pay top dollar for a few squares.
You know you’ve been there. Of course, all you have to do is waddle around the house until you find some more toilet paper or at least some paper towels. But what if you don’t have any more? What would you do then?
This is why it’s important to store plenty of toilet paper. But that’s not enough. What if the crisis lasts a long time and you run out? What if you have to abandon your home? What if your toilet paper is destroyed by flood or fire? In case that happens, you’ll need to consider some substitutes for toilet paper.
Obvious Alternatives
1. Paper
We’ll get the most obvious one out of the way first. If you don’t have any toilet paper, just use another kind of paper. Paper towels, newspapers, phone books, notebook paper, printer paper, envelopes, etc. Look around the house and see what you can find. (By the way, most magazines don’t work very well because of the gloss coating.)
Some people have suggested using books, but I have too much respect for books to recommend that. Maybe as a last resort, but first look for other options. This article contains instructions on how to make toilet paper out of paper you find around the house.
2. Wipes
Before you start yanking paper out of your printer, wrack your brain and make sure you don’t have any wet wipes or baby wipes in the house. If you do, they make great toilet paper.
3. Kleenex
Again, this is just a reminder. I’d hate for you to be tearing up newspapers only to later realize there’s a perfectly good box of Kleenex on the bathroom counter. However, you might have to use several of them since they’re so thin.
Less Common Alternatives
4. Sponge
These were used in Roman times. When the people finished, they would wash the sponge with water and vinegar so they could reuse it later. But even if you do this, damp sponges are still breeding grounds for bacteria. If you go this route, you’ll need to either boil the sponge or soak it in bleach water before rinsing it out and using it again.
5. Rock
But not just any rock. You’ll have to find a smooth, flat (but not sharp) rock like the one in the picture (it’s not as big as it looks). With it you can do what’s known as the “scrape method,” which was very popular in ancient societies. Stir the rock in water to remove excess debris before scraping again.
6. Water
In many countries, toilet paper is unheard of, and instead, people wash with water. To do this, use a plastic cup or another pouring device. Fill it with warm water, pour it into your cupped left hand, and do the necessary cleaning.
Obviously, you’ll want to wash your hands thoroughly when you’re done. You could also use an irrigation bottle so you can spray the area clean without having to touch it as much.
7. Cloth
This method is more accurately referred to as “family cloth” and is used by people who are trying to be as frugal and/or eco-friendly as possible. The idea is to use cloth rags to wipe yourself, then wash them afterward so you can continually reuse the fabric.
Soft fabric sourced from old flannel diapers or nightgowns works best for this, but you can also use towels, washcloths, or even old T-shirts. Whatever you chose, simply rip the fabric into suitable sizes and trim them with pinking shears to prevent fraying.
Used in connection with the water method mentioned above, this could be an effective way to get by without toilet paper indefinitely. Just make sure the fabric doesn’t accidentally get flushed down the toilet.
Instead, put it in a sealed container next to the toilet and once you have enough for a load of laundry, wash them. But don’t mix them with your regular laundry. (Here’s how to do laundry without power.)
Plant Leaves
If none of the above options are available, or if you have to bug out to the wilderness and use up all the toilet paper in your bag, you may have to turn to nature’s toilet paper: leaves.
8. Corn Husks
Because the pioneers grew and harvested so much corn, corn husks were one of their most popular toilet paper options. The leaves, when green, are relatively soft and a good size for bathroom or outhouse use. They can be dried for using during the winter months, and if that’s too rough you can always soak them in water to soften them again before use.
9. Maple Leaves
Specifically from the broadleaf maple. The leaves are large, don’t have irritable hairs, and are easily identifiable in the woods. Maples also produce an abundance of leaves, as anyone who has had to rake up after a maple tree can testify. Broadleaf and Sugar maples have the largest leaves, but in a pinch a mountain or vine maple could also be used, though the small leaves of these varieties would be awkward for an adult to use.
10. Mullein Leaves
This low growing, biennial plant flourishes in dry and sandy soils. Its leaves are a fair size and coated with a soft fuzz. The fuzz can be an irritant or a benefit, so use caution when using this plant and wash with water if irritation develops.
11. Large Leaved Aster
Also known as “lumberjack toilet paper,” and for good reason. The large, smooth, heart-shaped leaves are perfect for wiping, and the plant can be found in abundance across the eastern United States and Canada.
12. Cottonwood Leaves
Specifically, the larger leaved variety. It has smooth leaves that would make the perfect emergency toilet paper. The leaves are a little on the tough side, so they won’t tear during wiping. Cottonwood also has a bit of an anti-pain effect, and the leaves can be used for things like emergency bandages as well.
13. Bolted Lettuce
Finally, any garden plants with large smooth leaves can also work as emergency toilet paper. Bolted lettuce is a prime example. Once lettuce bolts it becomes too bitter to eat, but the leaves are large enough for most wiping purposes. But be careful which leaves you take from your garden. For example, squash plant leaves would be too irritating due to the hairs on them.
14. Hazelnut Leaves
Hazelnut also makes good emergency toilet paper, though they’re slightly on the small side. Also, they have a bit of fuzz on them which could potentially be irritating for people with sensitive skin. They’re very soft and completely non-toxic.
15. Thimbleberry Leaves
These beautiful plants grow and flourish in damp areas, near streams, and next to drainage on mountainsides. Their exceptionally large and soft leaves make them the ideal for emergency toilet paper. They’re also easy to identify from the large toothed leaves, thimble-like fruit, and fair-sized white flowers.
Thimbleberry can be found in nearly any mountain region in North America. They die back in the winter but regrow from the root in the spring and summer.
Warning – If you decide to use Thimbleberry leaves, make sure you’d able to identify its nasty look-alike, the dreaded Devil’s Club (seen below). This nasty plant flourishes in many of the same areas as the Thimbleberry and would be a nightmare to wipe with because it has thorns and is a severe irritant.
While the leaves of the two plants are very similar, Devil’s Club has thicker stems that are covered in sharp thorns, and the veins on its leaves are also lined with thorns.
There are several other types of leaves that could be used for toilet paper such as dandelion and hazelnut, but before you use them or any of the leaves mentioned above, make sure you have real-world experience identifying them in the wild.
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DO NOT use poison ivy, poison oak, or poison sumac. Learn these plants.
DO NOT use Spanish moss. It has chiggers/redbugs.
Be careful of polluted water or wet leaves near waterways. Amebiasis and giardiasis are extremely painful intestinal infections.
DO NOT store toilet paper in damp locations. Mildew/fungal infections in the lady parts are no fun at all.
I vote for the spray bottle and family rags used carefully.
SHTF Toilets: waterless composting units of cheap recycled plastic save about 1/3rd household water use. Chemical toilet using Elsen – as I recall – was very effective, though urinating around our fruit tree drip-lines was very beneficial. Likewise our simple hole or trench in the ground never failed us for 33 years; plant a food tree when full, & dig another hole, like Aztecs, Mayans & Incas who often used old remains as crops fertilizer. We had a veranda emergency bucket rather than go out at night.
The 1 to 2 meter-deep hole dug manually or by a powered borer – was topped by a cylinder upon which was mounted half of a tyre that had been cut in two around its tread circumference. This acted as a comfortable toilet seat, the cover of which was a bit of fibreboard. Or use a commercial folding toilet from Camping stores safely over the hole. Now such simple convenience was open to the elements but surrounded with sugar cane privacy; & dug in a few minutes, could last a couple for about 2 to 4 years, didn’t smell, no bugs or snakes normally found in sheds, sterilised by sun & rain, safe & hygienic with the best view in the house. Emergency toilet = trash bag taped inside home bowl. In case TSHTF, two 6-packs weekly we stock up massively on toilet roles (acquired about 100 so far), that are also cheaper than tissues.
What is with you westerners. Its YOUR scat which comes out of your precious innards, so whats this hangup of not wanting to use your hands-weird!. Despite the fact that we have muslim showers in our toilets, I always use my hands for a thorough cleanout. It’s a different matter when water is not available, one could then revert to toilet paper as an interim measure. Imagine wearing wooly pants over a still sticky paper wiped stinky arse! Hmmm..
What is it with people that can’t put their opinion without being rude about others? People do things differently. Different isn’t wrong. It’s nothing to be scared of. It’s just different.
You can get individually wrapped bamboo wash cloths, softer than velvet in beautiful colors wet them with warm water (before the deed is done) in the winter and wash them as you wash your hands, right away. In the summer rinse them with cool water and always wash them right away. Hang to dry like any towel and they’re always there, clean smelling, soft, and ready to use. Does a much better job cleaning us up and feels better than any kind of toilet paper or paper product. Take them camping, always wash them right away and store in a little plastic bag. Too many people actually grab poison ivy to wipe by accident. Better for the environment, saves a ton of money, better for the septic system or any sewer system. Kimberly Clark doubled their profits in 2004. About the same time a roll started to last a week instead of a month.
I wipe my ass with newspaper and glamour magazines I hate toilet paper and don’t bay it
What do you do with it (newspaper, ect ) when your done?
in this case u could also use a dedicated spray bottle for just water and this use.
Dried coconut husk works really good.
If the sewer still work, never flush baby wipes- or any other wipes. They will clog your pipes like no one’s business.
This is true! My husband works for a local municipality in water and sewer and asked me to stop putting them in the toilet or he would make me look at pictures of what happens and what they have to do to clean them out of the system. (With a Rake)
A detachable shower head in water jet mode. That does the job.
Cotton works well as ass wipes, and if you live in or have access to a multi floor building it’s easy enough to rig up hose from guttering to barrels inside and upstairs to have water available after its been filtered or treated. Also how come so few people know of cat hole latrines anymore?
DO NOT use Thimbleberry leaves near lady parts EVER. it will crate the worst irritation from the hairs on the leaves and the sugary leaves cause yeast infections.
A much better solution is to get a Hand Bidet Sprayer and wash with water. Cleaner, greener, healthier, saves money and you never run out!
Two items that were depended upon back during the depression are no longer available…The Sears Roebuck catalog and tissue paper used to wrap peaches for shipping.
I guess that will work if you have leaves growing in your bathroom.
You forgot the old mountain man method of drying out corn cobs for later use. After dry, you can soften the surface simply by rubbing them with your hands. The texture of the cob gives you lots of “traction” for removing the materal you want gone.
WHAT??? the point is that there WILL NOT be bathrooms available….toilets will not flush without backing up if your in an urban area. if in a rural area best case is an outhouse.
LOL,LMAO,That’s well spoken or should say well written.
As a Child, I have memories of being in need of TP while on fishing or camping trips, and have even used Pine Needles and, or the Bark off of Trees. Keep in mind, Drastic Measures call for Drastic Action. And in SHTF Scenarios, Anything that wont infect or irritate The Most Dangerous Canal on your Body, is Better than Nothing. (In my case, I was able to clean the Majority, and then go to the River to finish things up.)
On a related note: It may be Convenient to relieve yourself Near or literally, In a Lake, Stream, or River; but if at all possible, Do NOT Do it. As it is really, THE LAST Place you want to do so!
The Two most Obvious or sensible reasons would be:
A. Everyone -even the Bad Guys- Treks the Water Ways… So minimalize your exposure.
B. Feces and Urine are Repugnant to Animals. Which makes this fact of life a Double Edged Sword: On One side, you can attract them To you -which could also be a Trained dog on a Leash, that is leading the Bad Guys Right to you; or it could be a Wild animal that you could do Without in the middle of the night. Then there’s the Other side: You can drive Food AWAY.
Some things to consider…
Nice job Alan, tackling a stinky subject!
Best solution, now and then, = wash with water from a Hand Bidet Sprayer. Not only is it 10X cleaner, it’s also healthier(helps with constipation and hemorrhoids) and saves money.
Yes, but the real subject of the post is when modern convinces like pressurized water are not available.
Is it now? Pretty sure it was talking about the product Toilet Paper not being available not water. And water is easy to pressurize = put it in a barrel on the roof and voila; water under pressure and able to use a Bidet Sprayer.
Ha Cleaver! Or a bug sprayer..
No disrespect Stan. but in SHTF scenario, one of the Last things a person would want to do is Alert Others to your Resources and Functionability, by placing a Water barrel on your roof, as it would inevitably bring less desirables to your door. You are right though, Pressurized Water would be the Best thing to use.
If you talking about the SHTF scenario where you have to shoot people who approach your home you are absolutely right, but there are many more possibilities of supply interruptions that are not that drastic.
Why not just use a water bottle with a hole in the cap and squeeze the pressurized stream into the “area”?
Simple excellent idea, Luv it.