When the stock market crashed in 2008 I kinda, sorta… panicked (to put it mildly). I was convinced that economic collapse, martial law, and the end of the world as I knew it would arrive by the end of the year. So the next day while my wife and I were at the grocery store, I started dumping armfuls of canned food into the shopping cart.
“What the hell are you doing?” she said, looking at me as if I were taking a leak on the Spaghettios. I had told her that we needed to stock up on extra food, but I never said how much. Although my wife had no problem with preps for hurricane season, she had no interest in anything beyond that.
As she looked at me, her face a mixture of anger and confusion, I suddenly realized that if I didn’t handle this carefully, it would be a huge strain on our marriage. Rather than get into a fight in the middle of the grocery store, I put some of the food back. On the way home, I explained my concerns to her. She thought I was overreacting (and it turns out she was right), but we managed to avoid getting into a heated argument.
Over the next few months, I was careful to purchase things I knew we would use anyway (“just a hedge against inflation,” I said). Eventually, she admitted that an economic collapse or some other widespread disaster could happen and that it didn’t hurt to be prepared, just as it doesn’t hurt to prepare for hurricane season even if a hurricane never hits. Today, she’s not as into prepping as I am, but she’s definitely on board.
So how did I pull this off? Did I nag her every time we went to the store or send her daily posts from the Economic Collapse Blog? Not at all. Instead, I got advice from other preppers who have been in the same situation, I read articles on how to better communicate with one’s spouse, and I was very patient.
Here are 9 tips I picked up along the way:
1. Start Small
As I mentioned above, the first thing I did was start buying more of the food we already ate. I explained the concept of eating what you store and storing what you eat, and she didn’t see the harm in buying things that we would use anyway.
If I had panicked and spent $1000 on freeze-dried food, she would have been so angry she probably never would have listened to me talk about prepping again. You need to use the same strategy with your spouse. Start with items that are small, affordable, and that you can use anyway.
2. Communicate Your Thinking at Appropriate Moments
You probably have several reasons why you want to prepare for disaster, but don’t overwhelm your spouse with all your reasons all at once. Instead, bring them up one at a time the same way you would bring up other interests: when it’s appropriate.
For example, if you’re watching the news together and see a report about a natural disaster, you might mention that you want to get a water filter in case the tap water becomes unsafe to drink. But you don’t want to bring that up while you’re watching a movie or during a dinner date.
3. Put an Emphasis on Safety
It will be much easier to get your spouse on board if you emphasize safety. Most people have an innate desire to feel safe and secure, so they’re more likely to see the logic behind prepping if you point out that it will make them safe.
For example, if you hear about a home invasion in your part of town, you could mention that beefing up your home security might be a good idea.
4. Watch the Right Shows and Movies
Watching zombie/apocalypse survival shows and movies will help your spouse to better visualize why it’s important to prep. You’ll want to keep it real, though, so focus on movies that are a little more realistic.
For example, your spouse will probably be more willing to prep for something like an earthquake than a zombie apocalypse. Then again, a show like The Walking Dead might interest him or her in guns or wilderness survival. It really depends on the person.
5. Use Real-Life Lessons From Real Life People
Do you have an acquaintance who’s been personally affected by a major disaster? If so, it’s an opportunity to point out how much better off that acquaintance would have been with some disaster preps. This is usually more effective than just watching the news or movies–it seems more real.
If you don’t have any acquaintances like that, get to know some. Join a prepper group and listen to people’s stories. Real life examples of people who have made it through disasters will get your spouse thinking.
6. Avoid Conspiracy Theories
Never, and I mean never, use conspiracy theories as a way to convince your spouse to prep. Whether the conspiracy is true or not is beside the point. Even if it is true, telling your spouse about it could make you seem paranoid. And if you seem paranoid, then all your disaster preps might start to seem paranoid as well.
7. Avoid Arguments
This might be difficult if your spouse is really opposed to prepping, but the truth is that arguing will only make it worse. A reasonable discussion is fine, but saying, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, but I do!” isn’t. If the discussion starts to take a bad turn, you might want to change the subject and talk about it again some other time.
8. Seek Your Spouse’s Input
This is a frequently overlooked tip because why would you ask a non-prepper a prepping question? But the point is to get your spouse involved. For example, if you’re putting together a bug out bag, you could present it to him or her and ask if there’s anything you should add or remove. The more your spouse feels involved, the more likely he or she is to take an interest.
9. Give It Time
Above all, be patient. If you have the mindset that you need to get your spouse interested in prepping right now, then you need to change your mindset. Not only is cramming your views down your spouse’s throat disrespectful, it’s futile. You can never force someone to become a prepper; it has to happen on its own. Use all the tips above, but bide your time. Pressing the issue too often could backfire.
Now, of course, you don’t have to get your spouse on board if you don’t want to. But the fact is, your prepping efforts will be stronger and more effective if your spouse is involved. You’ll learn from each other, help each other, and be much more prepared than you would be otherwise.
Your spouse might never be as “into it” as you are, but if you can at least get him or her thinking about your family‘s safety, you’ll have made a huge difference.
Helen R. Holden says
December 17, 2015 at 2:19 amThe issue of stockpiling meds for chronic conditions is a really big concern for a great many folks. And frankly, much too big a topic for this comment list
. I’d like “Urban Survival” to host a forum to discuss this.
Prepp or Die says
September 23, 2015 at 7:59 pmI have 3 tips which will replace these 9. Ready?
1) Grow a set of balls.
2) Take the pants off your girl and give her back the dress you’ve been wearing.
3) Prepp on!
Bunch of effeminate pussified girly boys!!
Mic Roland says
September 22, 2015 at 3:33 pmGood points, especially when done in combination. As a personal example, my wife would have scoffed at the idea of putting together a bug-out-bag, as something pointless. Why bother? But I approached it as a “car bag” in case she got stuck or stranded someplace and help wasn’t coming soon. The safety idea. While I put in some obvious BoB things like a multi-tool, folding knife, water filter, etc. I asked HER, “If you were stuck somewhere and had to spend the night in a broken-down car, what would you want to have with you?” She thought, and had ideas: Some easy food, a way to keep warm, etc.
After she was driving around (safer) with her car bag awhile (so now it’s HERs), I took things up a notch. What if she were stranded and couldn’t stay in the car, like if it was stuck in a ditch full of water or she worried it might catch fire and help wasn’t going to come for a long time? She thought some more and agreed to some basic camping gear: light-weight sleeping bag, some tarps. Ebit stove, etc.
We still call them our ‘car bags’ but for all practical purposes, they’re bug-out-bags.
Things like a food grinder? I got one, but it’s not just for an apocalypse, I make fresh bread with my wheat. Who doesn’t love fresh bread? The dehydrator gets used to preserve her garden’s surplus. She likes that. The point is to work those emergency systems into a better life -before- a disaster. Then, even if all the computers don’t melt down on January 1, you can still enjoy fresh bread and soup-kit veggies in the winter.
Verbal Bomb Chucker says
September 22, 2015 at 3:29 pmMy biggest problem with my wife is she takes a medicine to keep her alive. She realizes that if the SHTF….she’s dead. And with the way pharmacies are today, you can’t buy 1000 pills. She can only get a 30-60 day supply. If you go doctor shopping for more prescriptions you might end up in jail.
I talk prepping, and it just brings her down. So I quietly prep, in small ways.
laura m. says
September 22, 2015 at 5:30 pmHubby takes a thyroid med. daily, without it, would probably be dead from heart failure within weeks. My neighbor has an insulin pump and others are on blood thinners to prevent stroke or heart attack. I suggest those with thyroid issues get some kelp online from several health store online mail order like Vita Cost, etc. Those with diabetes need to go online to natural cures and maybe they can get off the insulin. All this is a big worry esp. those on dialysis.
Dona Thompson says
September 23, 2015 at 11:40 pmmy problem is decongestants. without them, i’ll have a sinus infection in a few days, which frankly, makes me suicidal. any suggestions/ideas?
katejoe says
September 24, 2015 at 2:53 pmI’m going to guess you’re using sudafed or a similar regulated product. The first thing is to talk to your pcp about your needs. *i am not a dr or npa* You can get a script for anything, insurance may not cover it however but then you’ll just be paying the otc price anyways. If this is not an option, as in you don’t have a pcp, talk to a pharmacist about your states regulations on pseudophedrine There is also the nasal decongestant called phenylephrine which is in most over the counter cold medications. (Sudafed Pe for kids is this med alone) I will warn you meds like phenylephrine and sprays like afrin can cause relapse congestion. Most insurances will allow you to refill a script about 5 days early. The only scripts that have very strict refill rules are meds that are controlled. (i.e. narcotic pain meds, ambien, etc) typically you are only allowed to refill no more than 2 days early. Again talk to a pharmacist about your states rules. Another thing that most people dont realize is you can go ahead and fill your scripts and then fill em again and pay cash (or get a discount code at a place like goodrx) That way you can have an extra month. Also drink lots of water which is one of the best ways to help congestion. Hope this helped 🙂
Dona Thompson says
September 25, 2015 at 8:45 amthanks. i don’t have insurance or a doctor. the phenylephrine doesn’t help. i’m in texas, and it’s difficult to get any more of the sudafed than i normally take. i prefer it combined with actifed. i seem to get the best results with that combination. walgreens is the only place that still carries it. what i do not know is how often i can buy it to stock up. i drink about 3 quarts of water a day, partly because of the affects of allergies and antihistamines. if i drink any more, i won’t be able to leave the house.
katejoe says
September 26, 2015 at 9:30 amHave you tried Flonase? It’s over the counter and very helpful!
Dona Thompson says
September 26, 2015 at 10:01 ami thot i had, but just looked and i’ve tried nasonex and nasocort. guess i need to try flonase. thank you.
katejoe says
September 26, 2015 at 10:26 amI’ve used it myself and it’s great. Hope it helps! If it works it will be good to stock up on.
Dona Thompson says
September 26, 2015 at 10:27 amthanks. i thought i had already tried all of those. but since i was home when you mentioned it, i checked, and i hadn’t. going to walmart in the morning. thanks again.
ItsNotTheSameThing says
January 13, 2016 at 11:52 pmYou can buy Sudafed products once a month. Keep an active date on when you can buy it, and maybe not necessarily wait till you run out. I have horrible sinuses, and try to buy it as often as I can, even if I am not out. Also, look for Neil Med sinus rinse. It used to be by prescription around here, but I recently found it at Costco, and my Dr approves of me using it. It’s possibly available online. I take Sudafed when I need it during the day, and Benadryl severe cold and sinus at night, when I need it. Try sinus rinses instead of otc nasal sprays. It’ll take a while, but in the long run, you will feel better.
Dona Thompson says
January 14, 2016 at 7:06 amseriously? (1) you can buy pseudoephedrine (or as you refer to it, sudaphed products) more than once a month; (2) i said above that i have trouble even covering current needs, much less stocking up; (3) thanks for pointing out that i don’t have to wait until i’m out to buy it. after 53 years of life, i’d never realized that; (4) you obviously don’t have horrible sinuses if you can get by on one box a month; (5) i’m aware of sinus rinses and have stocked up. but i’m sure distilled water is going to be flowing in the streets in the apocalypse; (6) i can only take half a benadryl per day, or i can’t sleep at night. but as i said above ” i prefer it [sudafed] combined with actifed. i seem to get the best results with that combination. (7) i don’t use otc nasal sprays as for me they cause a chronic cough. not sure why you brought those up. (8) it’s relief to know i’d feel better if i followed all your suggestions. i can’t imagine after living with my allergies as long as i have how i could possibly have figured out how to make it despite everything i’ve tried without your assistance. do you alway comment in such a patronizing manner?
ItsNotTheSameThing says
February 18, 2016 at 1:41 pmI apologize if I sounded like a smarty. That wasn’t my intention.
laura m. says
September 22, 2015 at 2:06 pmOne of the biggest excuses (other than having three weeks worth of food and water for hurricanes) is that many got conned over y2k and had to toss out stuff and or donate dehydrated large cans of food which really tasted bad anyway. I also got rid of other items like silver ounce bars, a grain grinder, food dehydrator, camping stove and other gear, never to purchase again. I agree, just buy from grocery stores things you eat anyway and rotate. Other things to have is a water purifier and home defense items which everyone should have. it is sixteen years later after the y2k scare, and many that prepped then (retirees) refuse to now except for short term weather issues.
Pam Baker says
September 22, 2015 at 6:23 amThose are good tips on talking to everyone…about anything!